Though we were not at all prepared, we had been warned by His Majesty for a time such as this. Yet and still we were not ready.
I wasn’t ready for the swell of energy that immediately followed His Majesty’s physical transition from this world. All at once it was as if he was everywhere, all the time, yet nowhere to be found. I literally couldn’t think or feel straight.
Took me an entire week to tell my daughter and another few days after that to tell our son. Leading up to that moment of telling our son that his hero is no longer with us in the physical realm, less than six months after I had to inform him that his second Baba Uncle Esulade transitioned, has singlehandedly got to be one of the most difficult times in my life. Thinking about it all 51 days later still scatters my heart.
Nearly two months later and a whole heap of Bridgerton worthy drama later, I felt the need to finally break my vow of silence that I took to grieve. Now nestled in the bosom of Mommi Africa, I feel safe enough to acknowledge and share this experience.
For those of you who have been showering me and the children with prayers, love, well wishes, and gifts, THANK YOU. I have never leaned on so many people; I wouldn’t be able to survive this without my community. I have cried in front of more people in these past few weeks than I ever have in life!
The truth is no matter how it played out in the public eye, my love for His Majesty Oba Adejuyigbe, Oloyotunji II ran as deep and as vast as all the oceans and seas combined. The King was a worthy mate and an intellectually stimulating cultural debate opponent. Though, as my Royal Father, I was no match for the brilliance that was within Kabiyesi’s Ori. So instead of debate me, the King mostly just schooled me.
I entered the King’s Palace as a young woman at 25 years old, 12 years ago. And I was fortunate enough to find my womanhood there. I found invaluable and wildly useful tenants of my character and personality in Afin Osagiyan through very, very difficult tests and challenges most people would have buckled under. From going to jail for physically defending my mother to having the largest fine in Oyotunji history levied against me by the Crown himself, to being put into confinement at Ilesha Obatala for 30 days, I have experienced it ALL in the palace. Yet and still, because the divine sought to it that I needed the experiences, there’s nothing I regret or would do differently. Each experience was necessary for the fullness of my own personal essence.
One of my most favorite memories with His Majesty the Oloyotunji II was when he called me last year to invite me to Yale University, flying me and the Omo-Oba out from California. We were invited by the university’s Yoruba Students Association. Besides the cold weather, the experience was so pleasant. One night we decided to take a walk around campus and do a little sightseeing after dinner. I enjoyed it so much! Simply walking around with Kabiyesi and Adejuola was enough to fill me with pure enjoyment and happiness. I remember later that night we were just lounging in our university flat and the Oba got up to begin packing his luggage to travel back to the palace.
The Prince and I were returning back to California where I had work and he had school. In that moment of that experience I began to cry. I remember feeling like I missed him so much already but it was an odd feeling because we were still physically together.
Kabiyesi came to comfort me as only he could, “Awww Yeye why are you crying?! What’s the matter?!”
I told him “I just miss you so much.”, Kabiyesi said, “That’s it?!”, gave me a squeeze hug and then proceeded to pack and chuckle. He was laughing because it’s really not like me to get emotional and cry about anything in front of anyone, especially to cry about missing him. Our lives were spread across the globe for eleven years by that time; I was used to our long distance relationship. But this time was different, I felt so sad with a feeling of missing him.
It has been completely unreal living in this world without Kabiyesi. Though we did not physically live with His Majesty anymore, he was still apart of our day to day lives.
Taking the Omo Oba to his first day of 2nd grade was challenging. I had to breath through my tears as I walked him into the classroom. I was okay until we got to the parking lot and our son was just really down and not wanting to go in. I had no words. I didn’t want to go either. I honestly don’t know how I even got out the car with a dry face, let alone how I convinced him to get out.
So many times over the last few weeks people will say to me “That’s life”, when we speak about how all of a sudden this has happened to us — completely turning our worlds around.
For me, it hasn’t been life; His Majesty was the first person this close to me that has transitioned. It’s completely transformed how I think about and interact with death. Teaching me how to alchemize the experience so that my life honors my late loved ones.
I’ve learnt how to be more vulnerable and trusting in this experience. Leading me to have closer relationships with even the King’s widows. One in particular wife who generously purchased an AD in the upcoming Memorial Commemorative Booklet for Egbe Olori tasked me with writing a message for it.
I asked her if she minded if I shared the message to the public online and she encouraged me to. And so below I have pasted a worthy message from my broken-to-expand heart.
This is how I know the King would have wanted us to say goodbye….
To say that we were not prepared for His Majesty’s departure into the ceiling would be a lie. On separate occasions and for as long as our eldest wife — Olori Oba Adejuyigbe has been in the palace — the Oloyotunji II has educated each Olori Oba on what happens when the King “goes through the roof”. Whether we enjoyed those interactions is debatable.
Because many reading this may not know what they do not know, here memorialized the King’s Olori who he coveted so deeply in his 19 years on the throne, would like to provide you with encouragement instead of condolences.
Yoruba Kingship is a powerful instrument levied by Eledumare. In our cosmology we have the heavens, Olodumare, Olorun, Olofin, Egungun, Orisha and the Kabiyesi who we acknowledge as Ekeji Orisha, second only to the Orisha. Directly following the Oba we have the Olori Oba, the wives of the King.
We Yoruba say, ‘Oba ti ko ba ni Iyawo ke seniyan’. Meaning, a king without a wife is not a complete person. This highlights the importance of the Olori Oba in completing the king’s role and responsibilities — ultimately his destiny — when on the throne.
In every state, town, village, and palace in Yorubaland this is the order. In Oyotunji, according to Ifa, this same order exists.
As the individuals who lived with, were most closest to, who bore children for, and who worked hand-in-hand with His Majesty Oba Adejuyigbe Oloyotunji II, we want to convey to the nation that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has been lost!
Oba ti wo aja. As painful to our human existence losing the physical vessel of our Kabiyesi may be to our people, his dearest children, and his wives, we MUST NOT mourn His Majesty, we will instead celebrate his existence.
We salute and give honor to the parents of Oba Adejuyigbe, the late Iya Oba Esuogo and the Baba Oba His Majesty Ofuntola Adefunmi, we salute his Ori, we salute his unwavering, unconditional, and most faithful and authentic leadership. A leadership who sought to pull together in marriage five women plus the one who was incoming, who bore two Princes in his exact image and four Princesses whose love for their husband and Baba will now become the expression of their lives.
In this moment, we must be reminded of our purpose. Each one of you was born with a cultural destiny, interconnected with His Majesty’s own destiny — you mustn’t abort your mission.
To understand the phenomena, nuances, and intricacies of kingship is to over stand your awon Olori Oba Adejuyigbe.
Throughout Yoruba history, since time immemorial, kingship has been a function in our culture. As Ekeji Orisa, a King is responsible for protecting, preserving and promoting our culture, answering only to the Orisha and Ifa. In this role, the Majesty will often experience an internal conflict between his former self and the Crown’s heavenly appointed responsibilities. It is in this instance and every other instance that follows, that the Crown MUST and WILL always WIN. Oba Isegun!
Love always and forever.
